


it turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine

by robbosugden



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Ex Sex, Idiots in Love, M/M, Spoilers, Trying to move on
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-01
Updated: 2017-12-01
Packaged: 2019-02-09 05:37:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12881289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robbosugden/pseuds/robbosugden
Summary: After Robert sees Aaron with Alex he tries to let him move on, but with months passing by and Alex around a lot more, Robert can’t stay away anymore.





	it turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine

**Author's Note:**

> Don’t read if you haven’t seen next weeks spoilers... 
> 
> Title from song Back to December by Taylor Swift

Aaron’s sick of hearing about Robert. Sick of hearing about how maybe he’s not over him. That maybe Aaron’s not ready to move on.

He is over him.

He is ready to move on.

And he wishes he would just stop talking. He looks around them and they’re alone. Aaron’s hands are clammy and he’s unsure about this, but he finds himself leaning forward, placing a kiss to Alex’s lips and raising a hand to his elbow.

Alex doesn’t react, probably from shock and Aaron’s ready to pull away. But then Alex steps in closer and kisses him back.

Aaron’s not sure what he expected to feel. But he’s not sure Liv or Alex would be happy if he told them he felt... nothing.

The sound of the door opening makes Aaron pull away. Alex’s hand rests on his waist, but Aaron’s eyes fall on the one person he wishes hadn’t witnessed this.

Robert.

He can’t pull away from Alex, though. Because that would mean Alex was right. And he’s not, is he? So instead he diverts his eyes back to Alex and offers him a small smile.

The door slams shut, making Alex jump and Aaron feel guilty.

:::

Aaron sees Robert the next day. He’s in the pub, probably on his tenth pint of the night by the look on his face.

Aaron doesn’t acknowledge him any further, he’s here to meet Alex. He doesn’t want a repeat of last time, and he doesn’t want to be forced out of here by Robert’s antics.

He can feel Robert watching him though and it takes every ounce of restraint not to glance over at him before he takes his drinks and sits on the other side of the bar.

Thankfully he doesn’t have to wait long, Alex comes in and he instantly sees Aaron, a warm small spreads across his face.

“Alright,” Aaron points at the untouched pint on the table. “Got you a drink.”

Alex sits facing him, his elbows relaxed on the table. “Thanks, just what I needed.”

“One of those days?” Aaron asks, wishing he could be more interested.

He supposes he just needs to give it more time.

“Something like that. I had a six year old chewing my ear off all afternoon about not liking the hospital food, as if it was my fault.”

“That’s kids for ya,” Aaron laughs friendly. “I don’t know how you do it.”

“All part of the job,” Alex shrugs. “I bet you’re better with kids than I am and I’ve got to work with them.” Alex winks, “don’t tell anyone though.”

Aaron stills, thinks of the family he wanted with Robert. The kids he wanted to be able to call his own. Now he can’t have that and he tries not to replay the reality in his head.

“Nah, kids aren’t for me,” is all he can say. He tries to smile through the lie. Thankfully, Alex doesn’t know him well enough to know he’s hurting at the thought.

:::

Aaron doesn’t ask Alex to go back to his. He does however accept the kiss placed gently on his lips. It’s soft and it feels nice, better than the one in the cafe.

He doesn’t like to think it feels different now because he’s had a few drinks.

He would rather allow himself to think that he feels something now because he’s beginning to like Alex.

“I’ll call you,” Alex waves bye and steps into the taxi.

He watches the taxi drive off, tries not to feel bad about any of this. He isn’t exactly leading Alex on. He’s a good looking guy, he’s the first bit of attention he’s had in months and he’s single.

Who has he got to answer to, really?

“He’s not going back to yours then?” the slurred voice creeps up behind him and Aaron closes his eyes on a sigh and he turns to face Robert.

“It’s got nothing to do with you,” Aaron replies snappily.

“He seemed keen. And so did you. In the cafe yesterday.”

Why should he be made to feel guilty about that? He acts unbothered by Robert’s meddling and shrugs his shoulders. “It’s none of your business, Robert.”

Robert licks his lips, stubbles as he steps in closer. “So you like him then?”

“He’s nice, yeah.”

Robert just nods, seems to accept it. Rubs his hands over his face, “I hope he makes you happy. And I mean it this time,” Robert clears his throat. “You’ve been good to me the last few weeks. You’ve listened to me and my problems, you deserve your time.” Robert smiles slightly, “I don’t deserve you and someone like Alex does. I’m sure he’s a good guy.”

Aaron doesn’t get a chance to say anything, Robert heads off home, leaving him with nothing but his own thoughts.

:::

A few days later and Aaron sees Alex again. This time Aaron calls Alex.

He hasn’t seen Robert since they first had a drink and that strangely settles him. Makes him feel like Robert does actually want the best for him and that he will accept it, if being with Alex is what makes him happy.

They’ve spoke daily. About their days in work, they’ve had a bit of harmful flirting and it’s been easy.

Liv’s gushing over it all, glad to see Aaron going for it again with Alex. It’s nice to see her happy, too.

Everything seems to be going in the right direction. He can do this.

:::

It’s a Monday morning, Aaron’s spent a weekend with Alex.

They haven’t slept together, Aaron telling Alex there’s no need to rush. Alex is accepting, as always, and agrees.

Aaron’s in the cafe, his head in the local paper and he didn’t even see Robert enter the place.

He looks tired, the bruising from Lawrence’s beating turning a light yellow. He has a plate in his hand and he places it down in front of Aaron. Two slices of toast with chocolate spread. Aaron’s favourite.

“What’s that for?” Aaron asks, confused.

“Because you hate a Monday if you don’t start it off with toast and chocolate spread,” Robert says simply.

Aaron bites his bottom lip, tries to keep away a smile. “You didn’t have to-“

“I wanted to,” Robert takes a sip of his takeaway coffee. “Have a nice day, Aaron.”

And it sounds stupid, but after that breakfast, he has the best Monday he’s had in a while.

:::

A few weeks have passed. So much as happened to Robert and The Whites. Aaron’s tried his best to be nothing more than a friend, to support him and listen, no matter how many times Robert tells him it’s not his issues.

Robert seems at his worst, Aaron can tell he’s not sleeping. And he’s definitely drinking way more than is safe. He wants to be there for him, aches to make sure he’s always alright, but that’s not his place anymore and he won’t let himself be pulled back in.

This is Robert’s mess and he needs to fix it, Aaron still needs to remember that he needs to focus on himself first.

:::

Aaron and Alex have been on a number of dates now. Things are going slow, but tonight there’s a sense of something more happening between them.

They’ve come back from town, Alex pulls Aaron close to him and kisses him. Once, twice and then more deeply. “Let’s go back to yours,” Alex breathes against Aaron’s lips.

There’s only so many times Aaron can keep saying he wants to take things slow. It’s been weeks now and they’ve shared nothing more than a few drinks and chaste kisses.

Aaron’s nervous, but takes Alex’s hand. “Yeah, ok.”

Then Aaron’s phone goes off in his pocket, he huffs and says he’s sorry to Alex, answers it quickly, his concern peaking when he sees who it is.

“Alright?”

“Come and meet me, please?”

Aaron turns to Alex, “I can’t, I’m out with Alex.”

“I know. I saw.” It feels like ages until there’s another word heard. “Meet me at the barn in five minutes.”

“I can’t just-“ but the phone goes dead and Aaron grips his phone tightly, really wants to throw it at the wall.

Aaron takes a shaky breath, lies and he can’t believe he’s doing this.

“That was Liv, Gerry’s got into some trouble with the police so I need to go.”

“Are you serious?” Alex sulks.

“I’ll make it up to you, I’m sorry Alex.”

Aaron doesn’t even have it in him to think about how easily the lies slipped out of his mouth.

:::

Robert’s already there when Aaron gets there. Why did he have to ask to meet him here? Here of all places, it’s a ridiculous place but it holds so many memories.

Robert gets to his feet, walks up to Aaron and the only light they have is from the street lights. “Thanks-“

“What do you want, Robert?” Aaron asks before he can finish.

“Just to see you,” Robert comes closer. “To selfishly make myself feel better.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I saw you with Alex. I wanted to see if you’d still come to me if I asked.”

“So this is a game?” Aaron scoffs.

“No. I promise it’s not a game.” Robert steps closer and Aaron takes a step back. “I’ve tried to stay away, to let you move on. But I hate seeing you with him.” Robert takes another cautious step forward and this time Aaron doesn’t move away. “I’ve lost everything and you’re the one thing I’ve really got left that makes me feel anything.”

“You know we can’t do this,” Aaron shifts uncomfortably. “You can’t do this.”

“But I miss you. I want you,” Robert’s words spread through his bones, makes him shiver. “And I think you feel the same.”

“You’re wrong. I’ve moved on, Robert.”

It’s the closest they’ve been in months, Robert’s taller body almost pressed up against him and Aaron struggles to breathe. “So why did you come?”

“Because you asked me to!” Aaron’s voice breaks as he loses his cool.

“But you just said you’d moved on. You wouldn’t have given me a second thought if that was the case.”

“You don’t know anything, alright? I’m off.” Aaron makes to leave, can’t be around Robert, but he’s pulled back before he can even get anywhere.

Robert’s hand stays around Aaron’s wrist. “Tell me I’m wrong.”

“You’re wrong,” Aaron says defiantly.

“Say you don’t want me? That you’re over me?”

Aaron swallows, pulls his wrist out of his grip. “What good is any of this now? We are over!”

“Have you slept with Alex?”

Aaron is quiet, doesn’t want to lie to Robert, but he wants him to shut up. “Yeah,” Aaron says quietly, not sure what he’s doing now.

Robert’s eyes close for a second and Aaron wants to take the lie back. He’s been foolish and this isn’t going to end well.

Robert’s eyes open, a fury behind them. He raises a hand to Aaron’s hip and Aaron’s skin feels like it’s burning.

“Did he find your weak spot?” Robert’s voice is low, a near whisper and Aaron’s heart rate increases.

“What?” Aaron can’t seem to understand anything right now and Robert seems to be gaining control with every second.

“The inside of your thigh, I still remember the way you’d freeze under me. Your hands gripping in my hair,” Robert’s lips raise in a confident smirk, something he hasn’t been able to do in so long.

“Robert-“ Aaron sighs, it’s supposed to be said firmly but it’s said weakly and Robert carries on.

“Does he make you cum the way I do?” Robert wets his lips with his tongue. “Your fingernails marking my back because you can’t handle the pleasure.” Robert’s hand goes under Aaron’s jumper, skin on skin and Robert’s forehead falls to Aaron’s. “Tell me you want me.”

“Robert, this isn’t fair.”

“Say it,” Robert pleads, his lips inches away from Aaron’s.

Aaron can’t deny Robert or himself any longer. Everything else is forgotten, where they’ve been, where they are now and how they’ve got here. Aaron edges his face closer, his lips ghosting over Robert’s and he whispers, “I want you.”

Aaron can feel the small smile on Robert’s lips as he kisses him. It’s so refreshing, makes him stubble and Robert has to wrap his arms around his waist tightly, hold him up close and Aaron’s head spins with the moans leaving Robert’s lips.

Robert takes Aaron’s jacket off and then his own, lays them down on the ground and he gets to the floor on top of them. Aaron lays flat on his back, Robert is over him, his lips attached to his neck and his free hand undoing his belt and jean zip.

Robert’s hand makes contact with Aaron’s semi erect cock, his hand cold and making Aaron moan into Robert’s neck. A knowing smile spreads across Robert’s lips, “I bet he doesn’t make you moan at a simple touch like that.”

“Shut up,” Aaron says, before pulling Robert down into a deep kiss.

Aaron’s hands come up to Robert’s shirt, his hands clumsy and fast and Robert covers his hands with his own. “There’s no rush,” Robert says quietly, knowing all too well that this is going to be over soon and will probably be filled with regret on Aaron’s part.

Aaron’s hands fall flat on his chest for a minute, just letting himself touch and feel Robert again. He feels more muscular and Aaron swallows, pulls Robert back into him for a kiss and this time he takes his time to rid Robert of his shirt.

Robert grabs the condom from his wallet, Aaron’s eyes on him. Tries not to care about why he’s got one hid away in there. But Robert seems to read his mind, “don’t worry, there hasn’t been anyone else.”

Aaron shrugs, his body now naked under Robert’s, ready and waiting. “You’re single.”

Robert’s eyes fall down to the wedding band still around his finger and Aaron follows his eye line, his breath catching in his throat when he sees what Robert’s looking at.

“You’re still my husband,” Robert strokes a thumb across Aaron’s cheek. “You’re still the only person I want.”

“I know,” Aaron nods, and he does know. He’s always known, he knows Robert better than anyone and that’s why he will always love him, he’s even told him as such.

Robert takes his ring off, holds it in between his fingers and Aaron frowns. He’s taken his own ring off but the fact Robert kept his on meant something. He didn’t think it would bother him, seeing Robert’s left hand bare, but it does and his stomach dips.

Robert’s over him again, chest to chest, Robert’s lips trailing kisses along Aaron’s jaw until they reach his ear. “I want you to wear it whilst we make love.”

_Make love._

I want you to wear the ring that made us both promise to be better to each other, to love and be together no matter how hard things might get.

Messed up forever.

That’s another thing they had wanted. Both knowing neither were easy to love, but they loved each other and that was enough. They had each other and together they were better people.

Aaron let’s his fingers lay flat so Robert can put the ring on his finger. The metal makes Aaron’s body shiver, brings him back to the memories of his own ring. The way his finger couldn’t get used to it being there at first, but then when it wasn’t on his finger anymore it felt barer than ever.

Their fingers interlock and Robert places their arms above Aaron’s head. They close their eyes and take everything back they’ve been without all these months.

Their bodies become alive, it’s everything they had before and more.

After, they lay side by side, their bodies cooling with sweat. Neither can breathe or speak properly. In this moment Aaron decides to tell Robert the truth, “I haven’t slept with Alex. I can’t.”

Robert looks surprised and then happy. But Aaron can see the ounce of guilt in his eyes, knows he hasn’t slept with Alex because he can’t move on properly. Instead of giving back a snarky remark, Robert pulls him into him and places a kiss into his damp hair.

Neither of them know what tomorrow holds. Robert is still a father, he will fight to see his son. Aaron will still support Robert, no matter what Liv or anyone else says. They will always be in each other’s life.

The future is uncertain, but their love for each other certainly isn’t.

**Author's Note:**

> HAPPY 1st DECEMBER GUYS. NOW, IT’S OFFICIALLY CHRISTMAS. I DONT MAKE THE RULES ;) 
> 
> Hope you enjoy and thanks again for the comments and kudos you leave me :)


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